Sunday, 9 July 2017

What would you do if there was a Zombie outbreak?

Ok, so what if there was a zombie outbreak? What would you do? Not that its likely to happen, but imagine it did - imagine it was like one of the movies - say 28 days later or the like. Less aggressive - I don't want to be like Will Smith in I am Legend where they literally hunt you down - I mean the end of world where you can just do what you want sort of a situation. If you follow what I mean.

So what would you do? I think the first thing I would do, would be to gather lots of wood to burn in the event the power went off. And candles, lots of candles. At least then I would have light and heat.

The problem there would be that the house would be lit up and standing out as occupied. Hmm - so blackout blinds and shutters would be needed - noone would see the lights then. Good. Problem solved.

However, burning stuff might cause smoke and attract attention - I would need to confine the heat and control it and burn things that don't cause too much smoke - I'm thinking more like a BBQ than an inferno. That could work - except cooking on the BBQ carries the scent of food.

Hmm - so maybe BBQ under a canopy of some sort, or even indoors with a bit of ventilation. Possibly. I tell you one thing I would definitely be stocking up on though - booze. Yes in an end of the world situation, would it matter if I was tipsy most of the time? Seriously, like getting ill would be of any concern in such a scenario. Faced with becoming a zombie, I think I know what my choice would be!

I would drink what I wanted when I wanted, so it was less unbearable. So, food and heat sorted, raid cellars, fridges, garages etc. for fuel, booze and food, then there would be the issue of water. Luckily, we have water butts in our garden, but that would not be enough for drinking water and water to wash with. So what else? Bottled water might be plentiful at first, but I would need to find someway to siphon it from the local lakes and water towers. I think I could do that with hoses and such like, but from a discreet distance. Very lucky living near water!

Now for the fun stuff - zombie outbreak = no bills, no work, no council tax - hoorah!! So money would cease to be important. I would then make it an absolute priority to secure our home - chains, padlocks, shutters, anything - then check close friends and family were safe. Starting with those nearby - little recky missions, then venturing further until everyone was accounted for.

In time, we would have to start stocking up to survive - tinned foods, long life milk, bottled water, wine, chocolate, wine, medicines, wine. ... Just joking - no really! First aid stuff - bandages, aspirin, plasters - grab what we could. Then dine out on ice cream until the power fails, then consider where to go for supplies.

In the Walking Dead, the dead attack. I'm hoping if it ever happens in blighty that the zombies might eventually die, well, technically zombies are already dead - so maybe decompose? And quickly.

I hope that if it ever happens, that firstly, we will be immune. That dogs won't be able to catch it so our little furry one doesn't end up like Samantha on afore mentioned Will Smith. Also that noone in my family gets it - like in Maggie - unbearable to watch someone turning into one. I also hope it just turns people into zombies, not crazy murderers like in The Crazies.

I want the end of the world to be more enjoyable - like suddenly having privacy, freedom and no more worries about money, holidays or bikini bodies. Who knows, in the right circumstances, you might be able to eat what you want, wear what you want and literally noone will care.

Hopefully it will never happen, but just in case... its always good to be prepared.

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