Thursday, 18 January 2018

Today I am battling with myself to stay focused

I am struggling today. My will power is having a real job on its hands keeping me on the straight and narrow. The issue, as ever, is that when I look in the mirror, when I put my clothes on, I do not like what I see.

I have become soft and untoned, and I have gained more weight than I am comfortable with, and I have made my resolutions to get healthy, lose weight, regain my fitness levels, get in shape. I have been good so far - sticking to my plan, not giving in to temptation. My first week has passed, and this time its not been too bad.

I thought I was on track and doing ok. Then suddenly today, I am overwhelmed by the need to eat. I have wanted to eat and eat and eat, and I have to keep forcing my mind to focus. I could easily give in.

I could feast, indulge myself, and start again tomorrow. But then I look at myself in the mirror and think no, it has to be today. I have to be good today. If I give in today, then my goals, my weight loss, my need to beat this, will all be gone. Ok, I could just think - a little of what you fancy does you good, and surely it couldn't do that much harm.

The problem is, that if I give in today, then it becomes so much harder tomorrow. Where as if I stay good today, grit my teeth, use that will power, tomorrow will be a breeze. I am only going to make it harder for myself if I give in to temptation. I am so hungry right now, but its not real hunger - not like starving hunger. I have eaten plenty enough to fuel my body, its psychological.

I have to get through this today. Every previous time I have attempted this diet malarkey, I have had the odd blip, or the major deviation from course, and in either case the result is the same, just to a lesser or greater degree.

I am going to keep on the path today, not the sneaky chocolate hiding places. It will be worth it when months from now, I am back to where I want to be, looking back on these days as the breakthroughs :)

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