I don't have a gym body. I don't look like a Victoria's Secrets model. However, I am in "the zone" if you will at the moment. I hope it lasts, because I am suddenly seeing my body doing things I never thought it could.
You see I already know what giving up feels like - I've trod that path a far few times. A lesser known route, at least to me, is what it feels like to succeed. I want to see what happens if I don't give up.
I have a choice each day. I can choose to eat crisps, dip them in houmous and drink wine. Then when it comes to holiday, or going to the pub or out for a meal, I get that horrible "what can I fit in" or "what will hide my bulging middle" feeling of dread. Or I can choose to get off my backside and workout, watch what I eat, cut out the crap and then feel if not perfect, then at least confident.
I remember getting close to goal a few times, then stupidly celebrating that achievement by you guessed it, eating crisps and drinking wine and bang - goal slipped further away again. Damn it!
This time, quitting is simply not acceptable. I might be aching everywhere. It might burn. I might be exhausted, tired, sore and ready to cry, but its better than quitting. I need to relish the feeling because its a step closer to where I want to be.
I have started quite a challenging program, which builds in intensity and effort. It includes some exercises I love - abs mainly, weirdly, and some I hate with a vengeance - yes burpees, I mean you! They are the devil, seriously.
Each time I incorporate a new exercise, or try a heavier weight or a higher jump, my body can actually, amazingly, accomplish it. Its quite fascinating because I never knew it could do that. Whether its skipping, jumping, running, weights, abs - you name it, my body is capable of it.
That's the most frustrating part really - if I can do all that then why have I not been doing it all along? Beats me. Don't get me wrong, its damned hard work, and it hurts like hell, and I find myself making all manner of noises - grunts, squeals, what sounds a bit like I'm growling even! But the point is - I can do this.
I have to make that choice. Every day. Do I want this body I see in the mirror forever? Or do I want it to be all it can be. Surely the best reward for how amazing my body is, is to treat it kindly, to cherish it, and to make the most of it.
So this time, I am going to make my amazing body an actual amazing body inside and out. Trainers at the ready :)